Got this from a friend the other day... thought I would share it:

A TRIP TO SAM'S CLUB
Yesterday I was at my local SAM'S CLUB buying a large bag of Purina
dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog, and was in the
checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I
was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,
because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes
coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat
one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so
it works well and I was going to try it again... (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my
story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the
dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an
Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.

Sam's Club won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people! They have all the time in the
world to think of crazy things to say.

You are bad! Why can't I ever come up with these lines? (I hate the way the collar rubs my neck, too.)

Did you sue the driver of the car?

Actually, this was my friend's story. He was in the insurance biz for 30 years, I'm sure he had good coverage